You work out of a Hotel?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Your topless pictures make me question reality
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
