chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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