Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
