Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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