dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
