All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
