I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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