hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
