I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
His nipple licking is glorious
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