you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
