if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
