Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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