I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
