About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
