Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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