I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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