I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
