take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
