you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
