the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
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His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
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He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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