she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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