Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
