the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
