I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
