I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
