In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
