dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He better not be in your backpack
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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