i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
