if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
