One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
