We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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