Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
