Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
