He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
