Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
where are you?
Hypothermia
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
