That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
