I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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