We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
