Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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