Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
