worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
