We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
