yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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