ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Randomize
