I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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