you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
