hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
