Where is the hickey?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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