Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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