Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
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