I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
