I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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