he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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