It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
