Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
home. puking in laundry basket.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Randomize
