3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
