it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
