3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
