I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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