My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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