smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
