so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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