When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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