my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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