i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
smell my finger.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
