I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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