i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
