it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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