Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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