I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She's the barista slut.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
