I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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