you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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