is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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