I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
