Grow some girl-balls and come out already
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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