So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
