And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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