the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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