Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
