k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
