I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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