Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
