No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
