It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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