do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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