Dual....:-)
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
even my farts smell like vagina
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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