Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
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That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
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IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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